Titanium Isn't Bulletproof

“For well you know that it’s a fool, who plays it cool, by making his world a little colder.”  

Paul McCartney, Hey Jude

Properties of Titanium:

• High strength-to-weight ratio
• Ultimate Tensile Strength 434 MPa
• 45% lighter than steel
• Name originates from Titan as in ‘Titanic’

It is NOT bulletproof.*

Neither is the human body. 

Yet we claim to be.  When we go through relationship break-ups, difficult parental disagreements or emotionally trying times, we try to be tough and not show how much it hurt.

We see the hard men at the cinema.  Bruce Willis in well, any film really...shot, bleeding, in pain, tired…but he’s bulletproof to attacks and criticism.  Rocky Balboa…doesn’t matter how hard he gets hit, he gets up again.  Arnie, Keanu Reeves, Tom Cruise.  The list goes on. In literature, we have If by Rudyard Kipling, never breathing a word about his loss.  And heroes in novels, such as by Dick Francis, where it seems the main character is made of iron.

Emotions aren't bullet-proof

We’re indoctrinated into believing this stuff.  That’s one of the reasons, I believe, soldiers suffer from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.  They’re convinced that they’re not meant to find war emotional, but like it or not, their gut reacts before the brain.  They mistakenly believe they’re meant to be hard and should ‘man up’. 

Songs do the same thing.  We put them on the iPod – Fighter by Christina Aguilera, Titanium by David Guetta/Sia, Survivor by Destiny’s Child, I Will Survive by every karaoke singer in the world…and er, Bulletproof, by La Roux

But it’s all bluster.  Otherwise why would we even mention it?  Songs like this are deceptive and vengeful.  They are trying to get back at the person who caused the hurt, saying ‘Ah, but actually that didn’t hurt me, you should know.’ 

When actually it did.  (Alanis Morissette is better at this, she admits it hurt.)  Sheryl Crow has an attempt… but comes clean in the end – “It don’t hurt like it did, I can sing my song again…. It hurts worse, who do I kid?”

Criticisms are like bullets.  It doesn’t matter who they are from, they still tear open wounds.  We are not immune to them, we turn them over in our mind and try to figure out first, are they right? And second, why are they being so nasty?

As much as we’d like the criticisms to ricochet off, they certainly don’t.  Even if we give that outward impression. 

I don’t like to criticise people.  I avoid it whenever possible.  I don’t see any value in it.  Yes, there have been times when I have, out of frustration.  But I’m not sure criticism achieves anything.  It certainly has no advantages in education or when I tutor maths.  Before criticising, I try to think ‘What am I trying to achieve?’ and normally criticism has no place in that.

Some people are compulsive criticisers – their brains are hard-wired to it.  There was a car advert a few years ago where this lady was criticising the restaurant she was in, nit-picking about every little thing.  During the car journey she was silent.  As soon as she got out of the car, she restarted. 

Funny.  But there’s no joy in that.  How can there be wonderful, life-affirming, we’re-only-here-once JOY in pointing out what’s wrong with everything?  And how does it make the people you criticise feel?  Are you transmitting joy to them or sucking the life out of them?  Is that really what you’re trying to achieve?  Hope not.

I’m here to experience joy.

Since becoming a father, I’ve noticed that I am more susceptible to crying.  But even before then I would cry at moving films like Mr Holland’s Opus.  At the end especially, where he is made redundant and all his old students surprise him, honour him and perform his symphony.  That has me crying my eyes out.  (although it may have something to do with a teacher being recognised by his students – Freudian, maybe).  Now, I only have to hear the music and I choke up. 

There are many other examples.  Watching the Kelly Holmes 2004 800m and 1500m runs in the Olympic Games has the same effect.  And for some reason I don’t understand, so does BBC Sports Personality of The Year.  I can’t watch Children in Need – just can’t.

If people criticise me, it doesn’t ricochet.  I’m not bulletproof.  I don’t want to be.  I would lose so much.  You can’t have armour on and successfully connect with people.  Paul McCartney said it right:

“Remember, to let her under your skin, THEN you begin, to make it better.”^

Shoot me down, I will fall.  And it is not weakness to admit that.  It is strength. 

I am NOT titanium.

*Kevlar is bulletproof.  It’s UTS is 3,620 MPa.  About 8 times stronger than titanium.  As much as I love you Sia, get your engineering facts right J 

^For Beatles buffs, if you listen carefully, the actual recorded line is:

"Remember, to let her under your skin, CHORD! F*£king H*ll, THEN you begin, to make it better."