'I wish I could somehow Go back in time, and maybe listen to my own advice'
Little Mix
If you had the choice of half a box of chocolate right now, or a full chocolate box in 2 weeks, which would you choose?
How about if you had a choice of half a box of chocolate in one year, and a full box in a year and two weeks?
Which then?
For the former, most people admit they would give in to temptation now, instead of waiting 2 weeks. Especially if it was in front of them all of the time. Imagine the aroma, the thought of the taste.
For the latter, most people would say ‘I could wait that extra 2 weeks!’. Why?
“Because in the future, we are wonderful people!” Dan Ariely
My latest blog is about how we live in the present. Something we are very much encouraged to do - carpe diem and all that. The past is gone, all you have is now. This is great.
However it doesn’t help us with our goals.
We all have goals. We set them to achieve them. But... we don't have the tools to succeed for difficult goals, because your main decision-maker, you, lives in the present. This leads to abject failure and self-loathing, in extreme cases.
Think about what you would say to your old self. Say from ten years ago. If you could give that person advice, what would you say? That makes your current self, your ‘future-self’ in their eyes. This future-self has all the answers and knows exactly what to do to succeed. Do we listen to this person? Of course not!
Enjoying your present leads to a great past. Working hard in the present leads to an enjoyable future.
We have to look back from our future self. Learn to listen to future self and not present self. Present self lives on impulse. Future self condones self-discipline.
The secret of success - achievement of goals - is to listen to your future self only.
In the present we say
I don't want to go to the gym
I'll eat that doughnut
I enjoy smoking, why quit?
Too often we wait until our present is miserable by something out of our control like illness. THEN we do something about it.
God and the doctor we like adore, When in danger, but not before
Whereas if your future self was around, in charge, you'd have a tough regime to follow of daily gym sessions, fantastic diet, daily study of your most self-improving subject area, mastery and practice of that musical instrument you've always wanted to play, and that bucket list will have some ticks on it, instead of blanks.
Would that give you a happy present? No, you'd be permanently exhausted! So a balance must be struck. At the moment, present-self is in total charge and the balance is all in his favour.
Make him relinquish some of that power. Listen to your future-self at least half the time. Now you're aware - have a listen.
What would your future self say? That's easy. What would you say to yourself of ten years ago?
Like in the song, what would you say if you could go back in time and listen to your own advice?
Whatever that is will be what your future self in 10 years would say to you right now!
Whatever it may be, you have to listen to your own advice and follow it.
Is it do that course you always wanted?
Is it get to the gym and get into real shape? Run a marathon? Ten?
Whatever it may be, and it will be personal to you, your future self is telling you to do it, just like you would tell your old self from 2, 5 or 10 years ago.
What's your greatest achievement?
Your future self would probably beg you to improve yourself, to do your best at everything, because he knows something you don’t. You can be sure of that, because you would have acted differently in the past if you knew then what you know now, right?
To quote that song again
“Wish that I knew back then, what I know now.”
Once we’ve decided we must listen to our language very carefully. I’ve calculated the percentage probability of a completion of a task from our statements about it. Here are some below.
‘I hope I can do it’ - Percentage Probability of Completion = 0.1%
‘I’ll try to do it’ - Percentage Probability of Completion = 0.5%
‘I’m thinking of doing it’ - Percentage Probability of Completion = 0.9%
‘I’m going to do it’ - Percentage Probability of Completion = 1.4%
‘I’ll do it tomorrow/later/in the future’ - Percentage Probability of Completion = 2%
‘I want to do it’ - Percentage Probability of Completion = 4%
‘I’m doing it’ - Percentage Probability of Completion = 97%
‘I did it’ - Percentage Probability of Completion = 100%
Make sure you only use those last two in your language. A friend of mine said to me ‘I’m thinking of going for a run later...’ The next day, I knew the answer, but I asked anyway. Of course he didn’t go.
To do lists are useless as they are just a version of these statements. You need to write a
‘I AM DOING’ list and then just follow it. For me, I'm writing my maths e-books I have promised myself for over 2 years. At last! I believe it's a great method for understanding maths easily. But locked in my mind it's not so great.
Colonel Chris Hadfield, Commander of the ISS and all-around awesome dude has this advice:
Don’t look back, that’s not where you’re going. True, but have a look to see what you would have told yourself.
The power of negative thinking, where you think about all the possible bad things that can happen, act to do something about them, and remove your worries.
“For well you know that it’s a fool, who plays it cool, by making his world a little colder.”
Paul McCartney, Hey Jude
Properties of Titanium:
High strength-to-weight ratio
Ultimate Tensile Strength 434 MPa
45% lighter than steel
Name originates from Titan as in ‘Titanic’
It is NOT bulletproof.*
Neither is the human body.
Yet we claim to be. When we go through relationship break-ups, difficult parental disagreements or emotionally trying times, we try to be tough and not show how much it hurt.
We see the hard men at the cinema. Bruce Willis in well, any film really...shot, bleeding, in pain, tired…but he’s bulletproof to attacks and criticism. Rocky Balboa…doesn’t matter how hard he gets hit, he gets up again. Arnie, Keanu Reeves, Tom Cruise. The list goes on. In literature, we have If by Rudyard Kipling, never breathing a word about his loss. And heroes in novels, such as by Dick Francis, where it seems the main character is made of iron.
Emotions aren't bullet-proof
We’re indoctrinated into believing this stuff. That’s one of the reasons, I believe, soldiers suffer from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. They’re convinced that they’re not meant to find war emotional, but like it or not, their gut reacts before the brain. They mistakenly believe they’re meant to be hard and should ‘man up’.
Songs do the same thing. We put them on the iPod – Fighter by Christina Aguilera, Titanium by David Guetta/Sia, Survivor by Destiny’s Child, I Will Survive by every karaoke singer in the world…and er, Bulletproof, by La Roux
But it’s all bluster. Otherwise why would we even mention it? Songs like this are deceptive and vengeful. They are trying to get back at the person who caused the hurt, saying ‘Ah, but actually that didn’t hurt me, you should know.’
When actually it did. (Alanis Morissette is better at this, she admits it hurt.) Sheryl Crow has an attempt… but comes clean in the end – “It don’t hurt like it did, I can sing my song again…. It hurts worse, who do I kid?”
Criticisms are like bullets. It doesn’t matter who they are from, they still tear open wounds. We are not immune to them, we turn them over in our mind and try to figure out first, are they right? And second, why are they being so nasty?
As much as we’d like the criticisms to ricochet off, they certainly don’t. Even if we give that outward impression.
I don’t like to criticise people. I avoid it whenever possible. I don’t see any value in it. Yes, there have been times when I have, out of frustration. But I’m not sure criticism achieves anything. It certainly has no advantages in education or when I tutor maths. Before criticising, I try to think ‘What am I trying to achieve?’ and normally criticism has no place in that.
Some people are compulsive criticisers – their brains are hard-wired to it. There was a car advert a few years ago where this lady was criticising the restaurant she was in, nit-picking about every little thing. During the car journey she was silent. As soon as she got out of the car, she restarted.
Funny. But there’s no joy in that. How can there be wonderful, life-affirming, we’re-only-here-once JOY in pointing out what’s wrong with everything? And how does it make the people you criticise feel? Are you transmitting joy to them or sucking the life out of them? Is that really what you’re trying to achieve? Hope not.
I’m here to experience joy.
Since becoming a father, I’ve noticed that I am more susceptible to crying. But even before then I would cry at moving films like Mr Holland’s Opus. At the end especially, where he is made redundant and all his old students surprise him, honour him and perform his symphony. That has me crying my eyes out. (although it may have something to do with a teacher being recognised by his students – Freudian, maybe). Now, I only have to hear the music and I choke up.
There are many other examples. Watching the Kelly Holmes 2004 800m and 1500m runs in the Olympic Games has the same effect. And for some reason I don’t understand, so does BBC Sports Personality of The Year. I can’t watch Children in Need – just can’t.
If people criticise me, it doesn’t ricochet. I’m not bulletproof. I don’t want to be. I would lose so much. You can’t have armour on and successfully connect with people. Paul McCartney said it right:
“Remember, to let her under your skin, THEN you begin, to make it better.”^
Shoot me down, I will fall. And it is not weakness to admit that. It is strength.
I am NOT titanium.
*Kevlar is bulletproof. It’s UTS is 3,620 MPa. About 8 times stronger than titanium. As much as I love you Sia, get your engineering facts right J
^For Beatles buffs, if you listen carefully, the actual recorded line is:
"Remember, to let her under your skin, CHORD! F*£king H*ll, THEN you begin, to make it better."
